Return to the Big Durian

I've actually been back for a week now, but am still allowing the decaying shroud of my holiday in Cambodia to envelop me. It's part of the reason why I procrastinated on completing what I imagined to be an easy travel piece on Phnom Penh, I didn't want to put it down into words, signalling it was over. The other reason was Buffy, and the way its taken over all my free time lately! Behold the new Whedonite.

It's not so bad being back actually. The trip to Cambodia was exactly what I needed -- relaxing, inspiring, heartwarming -- but I missed my family more than ever while away(I always want them with me in Cambodia), plus was spending money I don't really have, so returning to the family bosom was comforting. And I am more certain that I ever I will return to live next year, shortly after my contract is up. Hopefully I can find a job.

I've decided to stop trying to love Jakarta, I never will. It's just unsuited to me. I felt so content in Phnom Penh -- no doubt partly because its familiar and nostalgic, but also because its so much easier. No traffic, lots of lovely shopping and dining, a view of a river... open spaces. I may as well be living underground in Jakarta, so rarely am I willing to face outside, with thick air, thick traffic and lack of pavement. When someone in PP asked me what Jakarta was like, I tiredly answered Thick, and they nodded. The no-pavement thing is so annoying, but I guess rarely anyone walks from place to place here, so they don't need them. I won't go on like this because the theme is essentially that Jakarta sucks, Phnom Penh rules.

I wonder if I can truly like any new place, if there isn't a part of me embedded in it, so to speak. The only two cities I know I feel at home in are London and Phnom Penh -- and I am half-English (and went to uni in London) and grew up in the latter. Everywhere else I've been, in a living sense, rather than just a holiday way, has felt a bit off, perhaps that was simply unfamiliarity. I think back on my time in Dar es Salaam fondly, remembering it as a beautiful haven, at the same time, if I dig deeper, I also recall the profound loneliness and boredom. Jerusalem spooked me, despite the beauty of the Old Town, the tension could be felt everywhere, and at night I heard ancient howling (probably just the wind blowing around the Mount of Olives) that unnerved me (I worried if I properly listened to it, I could actually understand what the howls were 'saying'). I have this romantic idea of trying out a new city every year of my twenties. Cities that I imagine I might like to live in include San Francisco, New York, Edinburgh and New Orleans. For the sake of my area studies, I'd like to try some more Southeast Asian cities.

Other than all that, I guess almost everything I wanted this summer. Best friends visiting (Tofu and Anne), Cambodia, seeing Doc again, a proper holiday, all tangled up together.

I am back now. Time will pass. Better make the most of it. But for a bit longer, I will gaze at my too few holiday pics -- here is a shot of the tranquil Mekong in Kampot, just before the sun begins to set.